Hermit’s handbook

I’m starting to see overarching trends emerging in this lockdown period and I thought it might be useful to offer them up to a community of – our Mums (nobody reads this anymore, but those two probably forgot to unsubscribe). I know what you’re thinking – she’s going to do paint colour trends. Well, no. In the process of forgetting who I actually am, I’ve become more fixated on how to become a true Hermit instead.

Like a really good forecaster, Ros fled to an island last week to pursue this trend properly, but we can’t all have that foresight. So. To kick things off, your no-longer-roving reporter here in London can offer up some weekly steps on how to really allow yourself to let go into the Hermit lifestyle. From exactly where you are.  

Full disclosure, I got a new job this week – I know, cool – as a home teacher. So I am only really following this dream outline in my head because of my new career. For me the below is all just “goals”. But I hope you can make it your reality. 

Week 1: Letting the Hermit fantasy become a reality

Have you been harbouring a secret desire to become a bearded lady? Maybe you always wanted to see if it’s true that your pants start cleaning themselves when you keep wearing them? Wait, do I mean hair? Either way, if you are (optional dirt-loving) hermit-curious, this is your time to shine and find out if any or all of the above is possible. 

Shower design by me, Jill – but it’s fine if I just want to look at it. It’s totally fine.

Weigh up whether you really need to take that shower. Do you? Do you need to wash? I’m guessing the answer is no. Encourage your loved ones to live the same way so that nobody can smell anything beyond what’s coming off their own body. Begin to think about whether Skype is a good idea in this state and when you conclude that no, no it’s not. Give yourself a big pat on the back because you are half way to the hermit life. 

Week 2: Reinvent yourself – painting and novel writing

Whatsapp, a writer’s platform for aspiring novelists. How many groups are YOU in?

Have you had an alternative creative career in mind? Maybe just a hobby you always meant to start? Don’t be bogged down by your perfect aspirations and try for just good enough. If your writer’s platform is Whatsapp, then so be it. Make a day of it. Choose one friend as your audience and then really go for it with the constant messaging. You’re both going to get something out of this. Exactly what, will be revealed to you at the end of the isolation period when you’re in touch irl again. Or not.

Don’t have an easel? OK then, get your iphone out – ha ha, I know, it’s already out – and point it at things like your dead herbs or a petal lying abandoned on the floor. Voila. Send it to all your friends and put it on Instagram exclaiming ‘look what I created’ or ‘the beauty of nature’. Actually, IG is not really meant to be part of the Hermit lifestyle so just put it on a wall instead. Even if that wall is your mind and the photo is but a moment you dreamt up.

Coming up next: We’ll be covering whittling skills, cooking over stones, what happens when you think the tv started watching you, and growing your own veg from a window sill. 

12 Responses to “Hermit’s handbook”

  1. Debra Finn
    March 27, 2020 at 3:46 pm #

    Nice shower, it looks a bit clean though, as well as being shy of the shower this week, we somehow haven’t cleaned the house either, although to be honest there’s nothing new there. Good to have these posts back in the inbox.

    • myfriendshouse
      March 27, 2020 at 4:49 pm #

      How nice of you to type this with your filthy hands. I hope to cover a lot more dirt in the coming weeks if I can. x

      • Debra Finn
        March 28, 2020 at 2:51 pm #

        Glad to hear it. I am washing my hands – only because the government have told me to, of course.

  2. Naomi
    March 27, 2020 at 5:01 pm #

    Jill is funny.

  3. Carol
    March 27, 2020 at 5:08 pm #

    Nice to have you back. Talking of dirt my 13 year old has just thrown a full glass of black current cordial all over his bed, the stain looks like wee too . In the current climate I don’t give a fat rats ass. Let the neighbours talk – I can’t hear them

    • myfriendshouse
      March 27, 2020 at 8:08 pm #

      yes Carol, that’s the spirit. 5 Hermit points to you

  4. Helen Anderson
    March 27, 2020 at 6:13 pm #

    How nice to have a post from Myfriendshouse again. Must admit I’ve long had a fancy to live a hermit’ s life but not having my morning shower and not putting on makeup (even though I’m only going to see the cat) is just letting standards slip too far.
    Hope to hear more from Myfriendshouse. Thanks.

    • myfriendshouse
      March 27, 2020 at 8:09 pm #

      And I hope the islander might was in Helen. xx

  5. Lesley
    March 27, 2020 at 7:48 pm #

    Do yeti legs count as beards are they too low down?

    • myfriendshouse
      March 27, 2020 at 8:09 pm #

      they count

  6. Linda Clayton
    March 29, 2020 at 9:44 am #

    hurray, you’re back. For the first time in my life I have time to read blog posts. perfect timing.

    • myfriendshouse
      March 29, 2020 at 3:19 pm #

      hello to you Dolittle

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